I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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