She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
