She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
