i think my tv is drunk
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
