dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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