I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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