Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We need a shit load of segways right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
