bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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