can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i will never coherently bang her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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