I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize