billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
