a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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