I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
