i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So much rum. So many feels.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
