just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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