I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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