I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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