wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
