Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This house was built for laser tag.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How external is "for external use only"?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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