nut hugger
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
