u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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