Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
