we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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