I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
