Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His nipple licking is glorious
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