Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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