I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Less talking, more tequila
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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