You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
