I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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