I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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