Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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