Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
