I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
