I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
