You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
