I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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