I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Someone shit on the floor
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
