I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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