After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize