he thought i was a dude.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
