the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
