So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
