I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
