he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
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She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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