First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize