My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how can u be prego again
I think my vagina is haunted
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Quick, to the slutcave!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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