I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
