Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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