So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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