Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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