Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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