you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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