3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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