This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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