I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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