That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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