walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
