After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
