Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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