i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
