Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
