Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
