Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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