"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
