the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
