also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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