Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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