im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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