butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
