My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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