Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
