i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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