well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
