end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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