I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
