If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm like, not good at living.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
