hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
