I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
