Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
