Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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