i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
