there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
