After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
