I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize