I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was born a porn star she said
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
