Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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