My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
