I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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