some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
